So here i am, with a baby in hand, at home trying to get used to being a mum. Ur Aunty Ash and family also arrive for the long weekend to help me recuperate and that’s when really, things start to happen…

A few days into looking after you, i begin to have really bad backaches… we put it down to the double whammy epidural shots but really… i have such a bad back that i cant sit, stand or eat… i have really bad shivers that come with fever and really, granny and aunty ash piles blankets and cardigans on me to keep me warm… it’s really not the cold but the rattling of the bones all at ones is just too much to take… wen ur dad finally sees what i go thru, he calls Dr Siva who advises cold compresses… so with the high dosage of pain killers and cold compressions, i survive the next few days in a daze, with the pain creeping in everytime the pain killers wear off… even my water retention kinda doubled in size, instead of disappearing. Sofea, being in this sort of pain is terrible… there were sooo many times i felt like a useless mum cos i couldnt take care of you, nor breastfeed you properly as the pain was just too much to bear… anyway, i didnt say a word to anyone of these thoughts running thru… 

Wen we went back to meet the peads just over the long Chinese New Year break, u were in top condition…  mum met Dr Helmi again and he couldnt pinpoint anything about wat i had. He did mention getting admitted again and seriously, i really hate hospitals. So i passed on that option, though ur dad wanted me in.. yeah right, spend another few nights in hospital alone… when u were born, i did ask ur dad to room with me… he obviously thot that hvg the bed to himself at home was a much better option! So Dr Helmi gave me some tablets as well as something to help with the Elephant-sized feet i had…

The next few days, my water retention or edema still didnt  no changes, and worst still, i developed really high fever! One thing after another! When Granny told my neighbour about my fever, even they got worried and came over cos really, it’s not good to give birth and then have high fever as well! So our wonderful neighbour, the husband started cooking for mum everyday “Ikan Haruan” as this has for many generations seen as something that can heal surgical wounds. It was superb! But really, the fever continued. One night, Granny spoke to your dad and they both decided to take me to the hospital… by then, i was resigned to anything cos i was just numbed and tired about everything…

We went to hospital nearest and to the Accidents and Emergencies ward… after some tests (blood and urine), the doctors realised that not only did have  urinary tract infections but also, anemic… hemoglobin at a lowly 7! The doc recommended that i be warded and get a blood transfusion!

So yes, i was warded again, this time under Dr Ashar (very good doc!). They started by putting in more tubes and stuffing medicine via these tubes… after much discussions, mum also had a blood transfusion! They could only find one pint of my type of blood since it’s i have a rare blood type! Thank goodness sofea, as soon as you were born, i asked about your blood type and it’s… the normal sort… phew!

Staying at the hospital again within a span of a few days of being discharged from one, was again painful. With my bad back, trying to sleep was long forgotten and even worse, with tubes into my hands. During the transfusion was the worse cos i couldnt move very much. But right after, i felt really good and most of the pains had gone! Just like that! And i was thankful… and started bugging the doc to let me go home… i missed you and your strange sound hahahahah…

The doc let me go home after two days. Granny came over to help me pack and get me discharged… we took a cab home, armed with loads of meds to be taken. Your dad had already gone back to work overseas by then. As soon as i got home, well, naturally i went looking for you and you were asleep, as usual.

Within days, my edema reduced, my back didnt hurt as much, and i started to drive around – take Granny to the market, run errands, get things settled, buy your baby things etc… really, if anyone tells me that they were treated like princesses during their pregnancy and confinement, well, as with my brand of luck, well, i never had the opportunity to enjoy such moments. Everything i did was on my own.

Those two weeks really, were horrible. A different kind of hell on earth, and it has made me really scared, terrified at going through pregnancy all over again. During the nine months, i had many scares and really, being pregnant alone is no fun thing. Going through the process of having you and recovery period also gave me scares… But seeing you as you are today, it was well worth the pain.

The other day Granny mentioned about having a second baby… seriously Sofea, i had shivers go down my spine. I guess the trauma of those days are still with me. It will take quite a while for me to get over it and get ready for to having another brother or sister for you. Only time will tell…

Love

Mum

Yes … those were my thoughts when i first became a mum and had to take care of you.

Here i was, just out of surgery and lying in bed with no thoughts when the nurse brings you in and tells me to breast feed. Let’s just say, i went “huh? now? so fast?” So there i was with Granny and Papa also with me… trying to look nonchalant and putting you to my breast, like i’ve been doing this for years.

Yes, those first few attempts were quite strange, stressful and also funny. Here’s why…

Strange: Really, i’ve not one to simply show off body parts to people and here there were all this expectant faces in the room waiting for me to whip out my breast to feed you. And really, i’ve read, seen, heard about breastfeeding but i’ve never breast fed!

Stressful: In books and everywhere i see, it looks so easy. But trying to position you was really, quite stressful. I had your papa and your Granny both trying to be helpful by helping me position you… but it was stressfull… And then i realised every time you took my milk, u’d be up in a few minutes crying for more. And i kept buzzing the nurses cos i had soo little or no milk! It was just a day or two after the operation. So yes, it was stressful cos i had to get the nurses to nurse you. And thats how i found out that they were supplementing breast milk with formula… an “aha moment for me!”…

Funny: In retrospect, it was all quite funny. Especially the times when you were trying to latch on and feed. You had an expression of utter seriousness and focus, i couldnt help laughing… i guess all babies have it… but hey, i’ve only had you and you’re my baby… and you were a class act! You didnt need teaching… u just latched on like you’ve been taking mummy’s milk for ages, and not in my tumms for the last nine months!

Seriously, there were moments of utter helplessness but i persevered. By day two, i got myself out of bed with all the tubes in me taken out. I started feeding you not in bed but at the chair but really, i had the most horrible backache. Now that’s a story for a different day.

While in hospital, Papa’s friends also came to visit and they were witness to me trying (read:struggling) to breastfeed you. Aunty Shida and Uncle Lolo, Lai Cheng my friend from work and also Auntie Honey all came to visit you at the hospital.

One  night, i think it was my second night, i had the shivers, for no reason. My bones were all rattling and i couldnt stop them… and i had to call the nurse. Seriously, the nurses in that hospital were not the most friendliest lot. But this one came and  fed me some hot chocolate and eventually, it went away. It came on again a few times but not as bad as the first round.

With that episode, the anathesiologist came back to check on me the next morning and he was also baffled at what had happened to me. Oh well, it must have been one of those things… and that’s what i thought at that time.

By the time Dr Siva came in on the third day, i was dying to leave for home and he let me… and to be a good girl. Heehehee he knew since he saw me walking around by the 2nd day.

And so on the third day… we gladly left the hospital and left for home. I had you in my arms throughout the journey… cos ur dad by some strange notion, refused to buy a carseat cos it would make u sit curved and harm your backbone! Dunt ask me… go ask your dad!!! And trust me… he’ll say he never said that!

Love

Mummy

And so the world heralds the coming of my little baby into the world…

It all started nine months ago, where by some strange divine intervention, Mummy became pregnant, much to hers and Papa’s surprise. I found out right after a very tiring journey up north to Ipoh to finalise arrangements for aunty honey’s wedding and a quick trip up to St Anne’s church in Bukit Mertajam. After driving door-to-door in a matter of just three hours, dogtired, that same evening, my brains started wondering why i was feeling rather plumpy around the tummy. After checks, lo and behold, mummy realised the beginnings of you in my tummy tum tum…

The nine month wait ended just as mummy’s doctor, Dr Siva wanted to see mummy for a final check to determine how i was going to bring you into the world. However, Mr God had different plans for you. That same night as Papa had just flown in from Bangkok, within the hour, i had strange pains and had what many call, “a bloody show”.

Straight away, Papa and Granny rushed me to the hospital (dsara specialist) where i was already having contractions, 3- minutes apart! So the nurses there did a quick check and put me straight into the labour room. They gave me a jab (i hate needles!) where the entire contents of wat i had eaten came out in a rush… then another jab with a rather long needle (which i held on to Papa for my dear life) to numb everything waist down so i wouldnt feel the pain (they did this twice).. and another one and another one… seriously, i was jabbed to kingdom come.

Upon arrival at the hospital, i was 2-3cm dilated. Papa and Granny went home around 2am cos there was nothing else to do. When the nice midwife came and checked on mummy at 5am, i was already 7 cm dilated, and by 7am, i was 9cm dilated. Boy, it seems like you were in a rush to come out! I had to call Papa to rush with Granny to ensure they reach the hospital in time for the delivery!

When Dr Siva arrived, after checking me and told me to try to bring you into the world naturally… which means, a lot of huffing and puffing and pushing… sadly, mummy tried my level best, but your head came out a little and went right back in! After half and hour, Dr Siva decided, this is not happening so, he had to cut my tummy open to bring you out.

Oh yes, there’s this thing that happened when we told the nurses to contact Dr Siva that mummy had checked in the night before… We told the nurse, “tell Dr Siva it’s mummy (they used my name), “the girl with the books” (i always had a book in hand during check-ups and Dr Siva called me that)… instead dunno what the nurse told the Dr, cos he heard it as “the girl with the boops!”… and he was thinking who is this girl la…”  Only when he saw me, he realised it was me… now that was a good joke among all the serious things happening around me…  ask your papa for more funny things that happened around your birth… he will be more than happy to share with you

Oooooh did i tell you that your Papa started calling you Sofea as soon as you were born?!

So once again, i was pushed out into the Operating Theatre and after that it was a blur. Seriously, i was frightened and i could feel the pressure on my lower abdomen and the doctors did their magic to bring you out. After a while, and this is according to your dad, i asked the nice anesthesiologist Dr Helmi to just load me on GA to knock me out and that’s what he did … also your papa said that i was thinking too much cos i seemed to be muttering all kinds of things…

The next thing i knew, i was still on the operating table, and Dr Siva was patching me up along with the help of others around him. The first thing i asked was to see you and when i saw you, words were just impossible… cos you were beyond what i had imagined… so cute, so beautiful and bawling your lungs out! There we had you… born on January 18, 2012 at 8.48am, weighing 2.69kn and 48.5cm long!

Then i remember asking Dr Siva if i could have some champagne and then passed out again! Seriously Sofea, i was dying for some champagne just before i gave birth to you. But alas… everyone said no to that!

Also, according to your dad, i also asked Dr Siva when i could start on having another baby. I think that kinda shocked Dr Siva cos after that, Dr Helmi put me out again! The next thing i knew, i was being rolled out of the operating theatre and feeling really tired.

Once i was back in my room, the nurses brought you in, and you slept in my arms for quite a long time (as this is according to your papa and granny!)… oh well, we needed our rest after that stressful experience!

Papa was quite astounded that you were soooo fair… I’ll leave that to your Papa to explain this to you hahahaahaha…

Papa and Granny were quite tired after the long day and they left me to look after you hahhahahaha… now that was quite a joke…

That i’ll leave for another post, another day…

Love,

Mummy.