I haven’t blogged for ages… work, getting used to the first three months of being pregnant was tough on me, and then home renovation started and yes, i’m still pregnant, cohabiting with dust and cement.

And while of these was going on, i realised that there a loads of things i’ve been patient about but of late, i think i’m going to burst soon. Not sure whether it’s the hormones working, but i think, it’s time to put my foot down and tell all those people to take a hike, even those close to me, no matter who you are.

Talking about being married. It has taken it’s toll on me. I think it’s not the part that i’m alone while he’s elsewhere. But i think being pregnant and feeling sick and needing the right food, and being alone in a house that’s undergoing renovations has not done me any good. And on top of that, i have to source for the stuff for the house and this means, going from shop to shop looking for the right fittings, as well as ensuring it cost effective. And this is no easy task, for me that is as i’ve learnt that during this pregnancy, after the many scares and sleepless nights, i’ve had to cut down on walking a lot. Not to mention the constant tiredness. A far cry from pre-pregnancy days when i could walk the streets for miles and hours and hours a day just looking for the right fit for stuff i wanted.

So here i am, walking the streets, albeit a little slowly, looking for tiles, sinks, material for kitchen countertops etc. As hubby dislikes doing this, i have to do the selection and just take him to the selected stores to make his decision. A painful process i must say. And he complains he’s doesnt have time to do his stuff… sigh… i’m tired. Whatever happened to listing priorities…. Men! Don’t let me get started… breath in… breath out…

Why do people forget their promises? I have no idea. Back then, promised me A, B, C and D. Now, just because their friends and so and so has done watever, hence the suggestion or may i say, “Very Broad Hints” were given to me do to the same. And to this i would say, not in this lifetime, buddy…

Why do people never realise? I’m Catholic. Though my parents were different in religious beliefs, i opted to follow my mum’s side with catholism as it made more sense to me and i understood what it was all about. So when someone told me the other day that since i was born a hindu and i should do certain things since i was preggers, it kinda made my blood boil, after the shock subsided. Yes, i was born a hindu and have been exposed to their ways and culture, but for most of my life, i’ve always been a catholic. So, seriously, i do not have to do whatever that was mentioned. I’m not obliged to do so. I think to date, i’ve given in enough whenever this subject is mentioned. And i’ve let it pass so many times so as not to make a scene. But i think it’s gone overboard. And, i’ve told myself recently, that i am not letting this go any further. The sooner people realise that they can’t have everything their way, or just respect me for who i am and my beliefs, the better.

I believe i’ve come to a stage where keeping my cool and letting things pass have come to an end. It’s time to strike back, but in my own way. I’m not a bitch nor a diva. So if i have to step on very big toes and people will come out right and dislike me, so be it.

All these years, I’ve learnt to be independent and not rely on anyone for so many years, and i think, that’s the best way to lead a sane life, married or not. Trying to “learn” to be dependent and thinking that things will be ok if i let it go, have not worked to my benefit at all. If anything, i’ve let people think that i’m easy to get around, and i’ll let it pass and things will go their way, whether my needs are taken into consideration or not. Not anymore buddy, not anymore…

I’m no stranger to challenges and problems. I’ve hit ground bottom so many times and cried too many tears. That’s how i’ve learnt to be independent. And cherish how far i’ve made it in life… on my own. Truly blood, sweat and tears. No one is going to take it away from me. As for my baby, my family, it will be the way me hubs and i want it, not anyone elses.

So seriously, from this day forward, as Rhett Butler said so blithely in Gone with the Wind, Frankly my dear, i don’t give a damn… i don’t give a damn… anymore.