Ok… this is exactly how i feel… can’t blame it on PMS though this time…
This time, it’s really tears of frustration… to finally give in, and realise that no matter how much i try, i really cant give “benefit of the doubt” to certain humanoids, even more after finding out certain fact last friday morning.
First, it was shock. Then it was anger. Disillusionment sank in. Now, it’s just… frustration. Stabbed in the back, without even realising it.
But this is me, i never want to pass judgement on people, cos i believe that there is some good in them. However, this time, it’s really hard to turn my back and ignore when i’ve been lied to, at the cost of my future.
All this time, to think i trusted this person, even tho i had my misgivings from years ago. But hey, i thot, maybe not. She is basically, nice. But when i found out what she had done and said, i’m at a point of no return. Politics sucks. All my hard work has really, literally, gone flushed, down the drain. And guess who’s been taking the credit? I rest my case.
So angry and sad i was over the weekend that i actually took out my Eckhart Tolle books, to remind myself that i’d gotten this far in my life, not too be taken in by negative feelings. I’ve hated feeling like this, and really, i just want to jump out of a plane and scream till i cant scream anymore.
Nevertheless, it got me thinking. Why do people have to behave this way? Are they so insecure, and so eager to please, that it doesn’t matter how they are perceived by others? Has the road to “success” totally changed the way humans behave? Have people forgotten, that respect is earned, and it doesnt mean being general dogsbody, or being a “yes man”? What are people so afraid of – that to highlight their point of view or to state the case, is a sign of weakness, even tho it may not be perceived in a positive light by others? Whatever happened “good ol hard work”, when it’s now, “positioning”? At least, i could deal with managing expectations, but now… i dont know any more…
As i get older, i will remind myself:
- to never to take credit for someone elses’ good work (i never have actually).
- to never tell lies, even white ones.
- to always have the “balls” to stand up, and stand firm for what i believe in. Even it others dont buy it. At least, i’ve stated my case – take it or leave it (those who know me, know i do this).
- to never take others for granted.
- to never, ever stab anyone in the back/to use politics for one’s own gain.
- to draw the line, and never ever let anyone walk over me. No matter who they are.
- to never be afraid.
I actually understand why this other other person behaves the way she does. This seriously sucks, big time!
Trust is lost. Lines have been drawn, very very clearly. Tears will continue to flow, for a while.
Damn! Making my move to change this situation.
