I guess that’s how i’ve always felt in a lot a ways since i was very young … too timid to really get involved, and too private to tell anyone exactly how i feel. Hahahahah and to think i’m in the communication business!
So here i am, after five years of putting in a lot, and to realise, that really, all that hard work didnt amount to anything much. Aside from the rude remarks i received today which really hurt, and to find out that a submission i’d done earlier wasnt even read but instead, just looked at after all the discussions were done - i guess really, i’m ready to throw in the towel. What’s the use of thinking and strategising when it seems, only one way seems to work all the time. If there are others, it doesnt seem to exist here.
And i’m beginning to wonder, why am i here in the first place. As usual, in retrospect after all that has happened, not only is change evident, but i’ve also learnt once again, how never to treat to people and for anyone, always give the other party a sense of respect, no matter who they are. I’ve decided not to look at the negative side of things, but instead, come away from the experience, hoping that i’ve learnt something from it all.
Eckhart Tolle says in situations that would bring one down (or something like that), there are three things that can be done – act on it, remove oneself from it or just surrender to it.
After much thinking, for now, i’ll just surrender to it since circumstances does not allow me to remove myself from it. But i’ve already started to take steps to remove myself from here. Over the years, i’ve taken in a fair share to observe the individuals here and really, i’ve seen a lot. These are very different people in their own ways, all with different agendas of their own.
If there was anything that would get them together, was the subject mostly, on a session of outpouring on a lot of stuff (ie to bitch!). Being the person that i am, i have fairly stayed away from a lot of this, cos after a while, i just get sick and tired of the same thing over and over again. My reasoning is simple: If you don’t explain to people why XYZ is important or how ABC works, they will never understand why we do things the way we do, and will want things to be done their way. If you’re too scared to explain, but expect people to hold you in high regard, then, yes, some people will be in for a fair share of dissappointment or unhappiness. Or that’s how i’ve always looked at things.
But really, this has been a really bad week where i’ve opened my eyes and head and ears to human traits which i thought… hey, that shouldnt happen to me, but it did. Will allow myself to wallow for a little longer and next week, get into rhythm again.
I just have to tell myself, that things are looking up for me. Eventually, i will find a way around this challenge, as i always do many, many times in my life. When one has scrapped the bottom of the barrel, this is a “sure-can-do” area!
Challenges in life has only made me stronger, and in reality, made me realise how i’d never one to treat anyone else in the same way, knowing i’ve been there myself. Though i do wonder why at times, others never realise this, but instead, do what they do without a care in the world?!
I guess that’s why i’m always on the outside looking in… learning and lobeserving and at the very least, trying to practice what i learnt, at some point in my life…
